Random Witterings!

I spent part of today looking at www.facebook.com after a friend sent me an invite. It’s kind of fun and I’ve found a few people I’d pretty much lost contact with and hadn’t wanted to. Then I decided to log onto www.friendsreunited.com as I hadn’t even looked in quite a few years. I love the idea of it, to catch up with old friends from school, those people you spent so much time with and swore you would always stay in touch with.

Why it makes me sad I have no idea.

I do have some fond memories of school and the people I was closest to but the overall experience for me was not good. I don’t know if I was the cause or if just being me was enough for some people to hate me, but I don’t recall ever being nasty to someone just to make them feel bad.

I also suspect it’s in the last few years of school (so when I was about 14), when Dysthymia started to rear it’s ugly head and I was very up and down and confused. I know that’s a common thing for most kids going through the change from child to young adult but I felt very lost. Maybe it’s because my behaviour was so erratic, that I became a target for the bullies.

I wasn’t popular and to be honest I didn’t care, I had the friends I did, and I also liked to be alone, to read or just to think. By the end of my school experience, I just wanted to be left alone.

Maybe I feel sad in part, because I feel I haven’t achieved anything since leaving school. I’ve tried various careers but bouts of depression usually ended my attempts. Or that I couldn’t be that go-getting high flyer with bags of energy and enthusiasm that people seem to want these days.

I don’t use Dysthymia as my excuse for everything but it did take so long to get diagnosed and appropriate treatment going that really, it’s only in the last few years I’ve started to piece everything together and started to figure out who I am. I feel I lost the most important years that most young adults have to figure out where they are going in life, to depression.

That being said, I feel proud of who I am now. I’m a wife, I have a home that I love and a husband who is my world, and not trying to sound overly dramatic, I am alive. That one word means so much to people like me because it is has been a very hard struggle to get to the point where I even wanted to be. I don’t think everyone will understand that, but if you do, feel proud of yourself too, and never give up. You never know what is round the corner.

*hugs*

I was talking to friends in our EQ (Everquest) guild (Yay Truly Naughty Troops!) and the discussion was about films that we so loved way back when. They left such a huge impression on us that we still quote from them, so many years on. I decided to post my list of MUST SEE iconic films that everyone should see at least once, even today.

• Ghostbusters
• Goonies
• The Lost Boys
• The Princess Bride
• Star Wars (the original 3)
• Spaceballs
• Airplane
• All Monty Python films
• Stripes
• Die Hard
• Back to the Future
• The Terminator
• Indiana Jones
• Lethal Weapon
• True Lies
• Bill & Ted’s
• Wayne’s World
• Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
• Gremlins
• Police Academy 1
• Flash Gordon
• Blade Runner
• Tron
• Highlander

I know I’ve forgotten some but these are off the top of my head hehe I will add more as I think of them. Some of the sequels for those films are ok, some are pretty good but others are completely abysmal and should have been left alone. It’s up to you to decide which they are I know most of them are comedy also, I like to laugh!

….. None for a year then 2 come along at once!

I’d like to talk about gardening. I have a love/hate relationship with gardening, I love it when it’s nice and tidy and hate it when it needs attention. I’m not a very energetic person at the best of times, in fact some days I have very little energy courtesy of Dysthymia, but I have lots of enthusiasm, good intentions and of course, no skill

When my back was at its worst, we paid someone to come in and mow the lawn. He did an OK job but then… he sacked us *sob*. Well not really, he had too many work requests and I guess since we were infrequent clients, it made sense to go for a regular contract.

SO… the lawn threatened to turn into a jungle and the nice borders that were there when we moved in had turned into a wildlife sanctuary. We actually liked that but it was getting so the cat could hide in it and we wouldn’t see her. Fun for her I guess, not so much for us trying to get her in at night (I’m a soppy cat mum).

Since I lost 5 stone (so far), my back had been SO much better, I was able to walk without my stick and while it still got grumpy at me, I could do so much more than I could before. Sooo I decided to test it one day and used the lawnmower we’d bought when we first moved in. Yes, we had very good intentions

It went fine, I was stiff and sore the next day but I could manage it (I also lived in fear of mowing over one of the numerous frogs that seem to be attracted to our garden, even tho we don’t have a pond).

The lawn was pretty much under control now, although we seem to have about 8 ant nests dotted around the place. Tony was very happy when he managed to drown one of them out. He should blog about that tho

Then came….. THE BORDER WAR!

I wish I’d taken a picture before I strimmed it all, but this one is after they were strimmed but before we launched our offensive.

We decided that us, being the non-outdoor people that we are, minimal maintenance was the way to go and save us having to do all this again in a year. We bought some lawn edging and Tony use a lawn edging tool to create a trench and bury half the edging to create a nice barrier betwixt lawn and border. In the photo you can see our trusty gardening tool that has been superb for the clearing task. I can’t remember the proper name for it but I call it THE CLAW!

Then came the clearing of all the grass/weeds/ex-plants/small trees that had taken up residence. THE CLAW made it really easy for me to dig everything up without putting too much strain on my back, using my shoulders and legs instead to supply force. The small cache of bird feathers I came across was a bit disturbing mind you, but I’m sure little miss Bubbles could answer a question about that! Here it is at the halfway stage!

And finally, we put down a layer of mulch into the border to help control weeds etc. We plan to put large pots with plants on the mulch rather than plant anything directly in the ground in the hope it will be easier to maintain. That will have to wait a little while tho – in the meantime I am enjoying it looking neat! Bubbles helps us show it off here.

To finish is a pic of Queen Bubbles enjoying the bed/litter tray her minions have created JUST for her

It’s certainly been hard work but I do like seeing it tidy. Now for the OTHER side *groan*

Well! It seems after a good couple of years I finally had enough of my hair being out of control. I loved it long but it was starting to get ridiculous. It was posterior length and getting caught in places where it had no business going. Plus I was getting fed up of the time it took to wash, the amount of breakage or shedding and also having to dismantle the front of the hoover every time to unwind my cast off hair from the roller. I hadn’t actually had it cut for a long time and the last time I did, I only had it trimmed of a couple of inches.

So this morning I decided enough was enough. I booked into my favourite hair salon (Altered Images, here in Long Eaton) and trotted down at the appointed time.

I did keep wondering if I was doing the right thing, maybe I should just have a trim again etc etc. But I remained firm. Once I’d told the stylist that I *really* was sure (I put on a good ‘I know what I’m doing’ front), he suggested dry cutting the bulk of it first as it would just go down the sink during washing. A few snips later and on the floor was a LOT of strawberry blonde hair. Oddly it was a lot longer than I’d thought it was since I only see it from the front in a mirror We had spectators at this point and comments ranging from ‘wow that is brave’ to ‘too late to change your mind now’. My head felt like it was floating and I could run fingers through my hair and reach the ends!

All through the washing and rest of the cut people stopped by the stylist’s station to comment, even the guy who swept up the mound had to come and see who had left it all!

I’ve never felt like an attraction before and it was odd

I can’t stop bouncing it now and it’s still long enough to tie into a cute ponytail which I am really happy with. I should have gotten it done long ago (Yes, you were right mum

So without further ado, I reveal the new ‘Do’. Oh yeh and forgive the cheesy grin please, my usual instinct is to run away screaming when a camera is pointed at me

Well after umming and ahhing for years whether I should try dying my hair black, I have taken the plunge and done it!

My natural colour is red/gold (Strawberry blonde) and while I loved it, it made me feel very insipid and washed out in any photo (ok I hate my picture being taken at the best of times) but even more so cos I just lacked much colour.

SO… here it is

It is with absolute sorrow I write here about the passing of David Gemmell at his home on 28th July 2006. He had come through the trauma of a quadruple bypass and seemed to be recovering well, was at home and up and about. He got up that night and went down to his study to write and was found the next morning at his computer by his wife, Stella.

I had the privilege to become friends with David and his wife through my husband Tony becoming one of his Test readers. They were a remarkable couple, totally devoted to each other and true soulmates. My thoughts and heart are with Stella now and remain so through this difficult time.

David Gemmell was described by many as a living flawed hero, who knew how to write flawed heroes and he did it with passion, empathy and a storytelling ability surpassing that which has been seen so far and in my mind will never be seen again.

What do you do when heroes die? You remember him for the incredible man that he was, mourn at his passing yet celebrate that he lived at all. He left an incredible legacy which will live for decades to come and still teach us and our children about the type of people we want to be, and the choices we can make.

Rest well David, You will be sorely missed and we will never forget you.

Well I got the courage to go to my gynecology appointment and have my coil (IUD) replaced. 5 years with no periods and no symptoms of PCoS has been utter bliss. Before I had it fitted, every month I suffered stupidly heavy flows, a lot of pain and very bad mood swings. In addition every few months I would also get a week or so of hyper-anxiety. I would be at full tilt the whole time, my mind racing, couldn’t relax, couldn’t sleep unless I was utterly exhausted. It seemed odd that these happened after particularly bad periods. Anyway, after a bit of investigation (and that is another story in itself), I was diagnosed with PCoS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome). My hormones were completely out of whack and that is what was causing these hyper-anxiety episodes. They decided to treat it with a Mirena Coil (a progesterone releasing coil) and since it was fitted I haven’t had an episode again. Nor a period… woohooo!

It was very quick this time and it hurt quite a bit but it was worth it and is over fast. The weirdest part is going from a bit of discomfort with the speculum in to full on period pains in 5 seconds flat. After 5 years of not feeling that it was a bit of a shock Anyway, is all done and I can forget about it for another 5 years! I’ll tell the story of when it was first put in another time, was still a very surreal experience!

My friend Lynda came with me and was a trooper, squeezing my hand when I needed it badly… and reminding me to breath lol. *huge hugs* to her and a lot of thanks

*hugs*

Weeeeell I had a lot of plans for today…. then lay down about 10.30 with a book and must have dozed off. Woke up at just before 3 when tony rang me lol.

SO tired. Combination of really crappy sleep lately cos of the heat and my normal bad sleep coupled with testing myself yesterday. I decided to see how I coped with being out of the house and in Beeston high street (so a fair amount of people), all day. I coped OK, I got pretty tired and my back was hurting by about 2pm and I was starting to get anxious. I managed to calm myself down and stay til it was time to pick up tony so I count it as a good success. A year ago I wouldn’t have been able to stay even 3 hours let alone all day so I am quite proud of myself.

The website rewrite is going OK, has been so long since I have done any html it’s all a bit gibberishy to me again but It’s slowly coming back. Have decided to go very simple unlike the flashy graphics from last time.

That’s all for now

*hugs*

Another quickie

Have decided to redo my website. Last time I redid the old one I was 28….. I’m now 33 *eeek* lol.

I’ve raised procrastination to an art form!

I particularly want to get my Book pages up and running again!!!!! So that is my plan!

Ooooh look at that shiny object….. *wanders off*

It’s not often I feel moved to post about something, I find it hard to write about my thoughts on a subject having kept everything to myself for so many years.

So much positive stuff has happened the last year tho I have to start letting it out

My weight loss to date is 5 stone. I achieved this using the Weightwatchers point diet which is about the only thing that had any effect in the past, albeit in a small way.

My main incentive was to be able to walk properly, unaided and for more than just a few steps before it caused my back more pain than I could handle and the very real risk of becoming wheelchair bound.

I decided that under no circumstances would I be able to live like that so the only real choice was to lose weight. My lower back was already weak and the weight was just compressing the base of my spine and pressing on the nerves there so it was always inflamed and sore and when I tried to walk it would go rigid and I wouldn’t be able to flex or bend and the pain was just stupid. The only way to relieve it would be to sit down for a few minutes.

I used to dread going anywhere because I didn’t know if they had seating. Something as simple as going into the city centre shopping was a mammoth task and the route had to be planned around the public seating dotted here and there.

It was just no way to live.

I’ve had a nice break now from the diet and maintained my current weight and hugely (no pun intended!) enjoyed being able to move around so well. It’s like a new lease of life.

Now to get back on it!!

The reasons I got to the weight I was are many and I will post about them eventually… just not right now

*hugs*